My deepest apologies

When people get in “senior” positions in whatever field or position in life that they are in, it becomes more and more a part of a persons life.
It almost seems like the position and the person become un-separable.
I watch people in my life who hold positions that have become who they are.  Whether in politics, in their career, in their family life.
Mostly I see it now in myself.  After 20 years of working towards legalization and freedom efforts.  I have been sensitive to the cause in more ways that I ever imagined.

When I first got arrested for marijuana at age 17, I was so offended that anyone would try to dictate what I do with my personal time.
I had been fighting the same battle with my parents for about 9 years at that point, as they tried as hard as possible to appear to be good Mormons, and that meant that they very much needed their children to appear that way too.  It didn’t matter that they both smoked or drank, none of the neighbors were supposed to know.  This became a huge issue for me, when I was trying only to be myself.

I never wanted anything to do with a religion that wouldn’t allow me to be myself, regardless of how harmless my occupations were.  Whether it be heavy metal butt rock bands vs. my dads country music, or whether it was skateboarding vs. basketball or some status quo sport that my parents would approve of.   But I understood it, I mean I could sympathize that my parents had an investment in my life, and I was brought in to the world by them.

But then I had the police telling me that I couldn’t enjoy a lifestyle that was not effecting anyone negatively.  I was given hefty fines and a slap on the wrist.  It wasn’t so bad at age 17, but I was certainly offended and pissed.
So I started getting decked out with political shirts that promoted cannabis and all of its benefits.   I wore them regularly around Utah.
I wasn’t living with my folks very much, just when I was desperate, but of course they still didn’t approve.
But then I got arrested again at age 18, and then 19.   At age 19, I was tired of it.  I was out of money, and out of hope for living in Utah.
So I left Utah, and I never thought I would come back.   I lived on the streets and traveled the country for almost 3 years.

I got in fights that I could have been disfigured from, getting 33 stitches in my face once.  Not to mention all of the times I got boot rot, or when I had the flu and had no where to recover.   Life was really hard.  So I got even more upset about the treatment I received in Utah by family and non-family, and especially police.

Eventually I developed a relationship with a higher power, and after awhile that higher power became known to me as Jesus Christ.
I was going to Cup of Cool Water ministries in Spokane for food and prayer, and I read the book of Romans which convinced me that I needed to turn myself in on my warrants and become accountable so that I would have a clean slate.

In all I served about 8 months in jail on 3 different bench warrants.  When I got out, I became the best Christian I had it in me to be, and I gave up all substances for a long time.   I basically wanted to see if that was the life that I was meant to live as it seemed thats what all of the religions instructed.

For 7 years I dealt with my headaches without cannabis, and it was extremely difficult.  I have cluster-headaches that is caused by a vesicular anomaly in my brain.  The same headaches that my father and younger brother experience.  When I used cannabis earlier in life, I was able to treat the headaches very well with cannabis.  But going with out made me irritable.   I was a different person when I had to go without good meds.

Well, now I have been using cannabis again for the last 3 years, and my headaches are  all but gone.  But my determination to get cannabis legalized is more strong than ever.  Back in 1998 I was able to score a job getting signatures for I-691, and I have always been proud of helping with that, even in my no-substance days.   But now that I find such great relief from cannabis again, compared with going without.  My determination has increased and I am more determined than ever to see this freedom returned to the USA and the world.

Well, here is the apology part.  I have been scrutinizing people who have been working on this cause.  When I see people calling themselves a “coordinator” for causes that I believe in, and it seems like they take things so lightly.  Whether it is that no meetings are being held, or communication is lacking.  I get awfully offended.
I have been pouring in support and I just figure people should be as determined as I am.

Well, now that my wife has stepped up as a coordinator.  I know that we are not going to live up to some people’s expectations.  I know that people are going to wonder why we aren’t working on legalization 24 hours a day.  And Lord knows I try, and so does Kimi.
But I am going to let people down.  Which is why I keep trying to just lead by example, and not by title.  So that everyone can take responsibility for their own freedom, and not have anyone to blame for shortcomings.

What I have been feeling tonight is deep remorse for being critical of volunteers.  I should realized that not everyone feels as strongly about this as I do.   I want to apologize if ever I have been hard on anyone who is trying to fight for this same goal.
I think about how I would feel if anyone came into odds with my wife for her efforts, and how that would make me feel.
So with that consideration, it is only right for me to apologize now.  Before I have the chance to let anyone down, or my wife.

We will only be able to do so much for this cause, and we hope and pray that others will jump on board and volunteer to get signatures.
Right now we do not have a lot of folks working for the cause on the east side, and right now we desperately need more folks to help.
My wife and I are pregnant with our 3rd and last child, and we are planning our move to California.  So we can continue to try to help.  We will facilitate meetings, arrange for people to get and return petitions, and we are going to get as many signatures as we can.
But without the help of good people, we are going to come up short.

So to Dave especially, Britney, Jessica and anyone else who I may have been hard on.  Please know that I am regretting my attitude, my criticism, and anything that may have offended you.  I am truly sorry.

This initiative isn’t about any one person, it is about everyone’s freedom and prosperity.   If we keep neglecting this legalization effort, the government has so much as said that they will legalize it in a very restrictive manner, and by all means revert us back to 1937 under the marihuana tax stamp act, where it is so regulated it will be difficult to form an industry around cannabis.

Please, lets put personal differences aside and lets work together at least until this petition gets on the ballot.   We have about 3 months to do this, and we are leaving in June.  So we need more people.  Mostly we need signature gatherers.

At the end of this, we are going to reward the people who have worked the hardest with some memorabilia that we have made with our company Emerald Sun.   It isn’t a paycheck, but it is something to remember your contributions.   We tried to reward the signature gathers and coordinators last year with some stony gear.  And this year will be the same.  We have a lot of cool stuff in our inventory.
I can’t say that we can reward everyone.  But we will do our best!

Thanks everyone for putting up with me.  Thanks for fighting for your rights!

BTW This is a few dedicate volunteers at the Spokane city council meeting on 3/14/11, and to me, this is what it is all about!


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